The Black Knight
:Outside the school, Shinji is dealing with a unexpected situation as best he can:
Shinji: Who where What!?!?!
Ashram: I am the Black Knight of Marmo, Ashram, and this is my comely companion Poritess.
Poritess: Yo.
Shinji (gawking): Damn!
Ashram: Indeed! Notice the firm ass, supple breast, cute, pointy ears, and...
Poritess (lifting her skirt): Don't forget I'm freshly shaved as well, sire.
Shinji: Wow! ...um, why is there a lit firecracker in her....
Ashram (tossing firecracker away): Ignore that. (firecracker explodes off camera)
Off camera voice: AAGGGHHH! My eyes!!!
Ashram: Now, boy, it is time for you to learn to gets the hotties, the Ashram way!
Shinji: Do I have to grow my hair out?
Ashram: That will come with time. For now, we must address the immediate concerns. First, your posture. Straighten up! You must show that you are indeed the pimp with the way you carry yourself!
Shinji (puffing out his chest): Like this?
Ashram: No, much less gay than that.
Kaoru: Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Ashram: There is in my army, white-hair! Now haul off!
Kaoru: Humph! Well, Shinji, I'll see you later. I don't wanta hafta open a can of third impact on your buddy! (storms off camera)
Ashram: Second, keep the bleach job fags a good distance away.
Groder: My lord.
Ashram: I told you twenty paces, Groder!
Groder: Yes, lord Ashram. (walks off)
Shinji: What else, sir?
Ashram: Search for that hottie that you were always afraid to approach. Be confident, know no fear. You have everything you truly need in your heart. Go forth, Shinji Ikari!
Shinji: I-I will! I can do this! (begins off toward the school)
Ashram: One more thing. (Shinji turns) I believe in you.
:Shinji salutes, and Ashram does as well. After several moments, Shinji, with tears of respect and admiration in his eyes, turns to face his destiny:
Ashram (once Shinji is away): That poor bitch. I shouldn't have come here, that guy is hopeless.
Poritess: Are you sure, my lord?
Ashram: Did you get a good look at him? Well, I guess we should be heading off.
Poritess: So.... wanna screw?
Ashram: Would I have to remove my armor?
Poritess: Would I have to remove the fireworks?
Ashram: (sigh) Very well, but I insist on wearing my cape.
Poritess: I'd have it no other way, my lord.
Groder: Shall I assist you with you're armor, Lord Ashram?
Ashram: No, and don't make me bump you back to twenty-five paces.
:Shinji is running down the halls of the school:
Shinji: Gotta fulfill destiny.... gonna get laid.....
Narrator: Facing impossible odds, can Shinji overcome the fact that he is a sissified dickless mama's boy? Or will he, as usual, go home to use one of Misato's old pantyhose in a very, very bad way? Find out next episode, "What shit? Shinji tries to gets some?"
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