Shinji: The Quest for Pussy Prologue

Prologue

:A bar on the outskirts of town:
3d Lotor: So than I crawl into Janet's bed, and have my way with the sweet little lass. Fresh out of that, it was only fitting to sneak into Brad's room down the hall...
Ashram (slamming his mug down): ENOUGH! I will not listen your painful and deprived stories any longer! I challenge you to a duel.
3d Lotor: HA! You want a piece of me! I don't think you noticed the bionic arm and the eyes that have seen hell! You have no ide*
:A well placed bitch slap sends 3D Lothar sprawling:
Ashram: No, but the mouth that uses Tim Curry's voice was all I needed to know. Now, shut it, or face me.
3D Lotor: Haggar! To my aid, witch!
Haggar: Damn it all Lotor, I was about to seduce that young boy with my magic!
Kensuke: I knew there was a reason why that old bitch was pouring lambs blood in my hair! That does it, no more sneaking in to bars at lunch!
Ashram: Poritess! Come!
Poritess: Yes my lord? Shall I deal with this old woman for you?
Ashram: No, merely stand and look curvaceous. Let 3d Lotor compare his companion, to mine.
3D Lotor (fuming): That does it!!! Let's take this outside!
Ashram: Poritess, wait for me here.
Lotor: Haggar, come with me!
:outside:
Ashram (chugging vodka): Well, 3D Lotor (chug) are going to flee yet?
3d Lotor: Ha! Do you think you can make yourself stronger by getting drunk? Or use some Drunken sword technique to get the shake out of your swing? Tell me how that will improve your swordsmanship?
Ashram: (chug) It won't. In fact, it makes me fight like shit. (chug) But I figure you have time to beg forgiveness if my timing is off. (chug) It only seems fair.
3d Lotor: You'll regret that, you arrogant fool!!! NOW!!!
:At 3d Lotor's command, his ship, the Revenge, rises above the trees:
3d Lotor: Alright, now let the Doom Cannons ™ teach this Black Knight some humility!
Ugly ass alien #1: Okay boss man! Er go... oh oh!
Ugly ass alien #2: What is it?
UAA #1: The ship over anything other than a boring landscape or static space wallpaper is too much for the system to handle!
UAA #2: Our low budget CG betrays us again!
UAA #1: Looks like us Ugly Asses are blasting off again!!!
:The revenge begins to crash:
Toji: Yo, Kensuke! I got some fire crackers, wanna light them and swallow em to see what ha*
:Revenge lands right on the poor fucker:
Haggar: Urge to... say line.... can't resist....
Kensuke: Oh my GAWD, They killed Toji!!! (Haggar gasp in relief)
Dark Shnieder: You Bastards!!! Haha, always wanted to say that! See ya next week buddy!
Ashram: See ya
Toji: FuuuuuCKinG SHIIIIIT!!!!
Kensuke: Toji!!!! Your Okay!!!!
Toji: You need better glasses, dumbass!!! I'm partially crushed by a crappy 3D spaceship, I wouldn't call that "okay!!!"
3D Lotor: Damn it all! Haggar! Summon a Robeast!!!
Haggar: Haggar summon a Robeast, Haggar get me a beer, Haggar bath every once in a while.... damn your a picky bitch!
:A giant Robeast arises from.... where ever Robeast rise from, and charges Ashram:
Ashram: You leave me no choice. (Grabs sword hilt) FORM BLAZING SWORD!!! (draws the Deamon Sword SoulCrusher)
Robeast: ???
Ashram: Just kidding :) (lops off the Robeast's head) One head...
Haggar: Oh Shi*
Ashram: Two heads...
3D Lotor: I quiver in anticipa*

Hey, everyone! This is your friendly parody fanfic writer! How's it going, enjoying yourself so far? Well, let me pour you so tea and get you a bis... huh? Oh yeah, the story!!!

Kensuke: ...tion?
Ashram: Opps! Knew I should have stopped at three...
Toji: I saw that!!! I'm telling everyone you ACCIDENTLY killed Kensuke! Then everyone will see how lame you are!!!
Poritess: Hey, kid, want to help me get something out from between my legs?
Toji: Awww, damn, why now, when my arms are pinned by smoldering debris!
Poritess: Don't worry, you can use your lips... (squats down on Toji's face. After a while Poritess rises) Good job, you got it out.
Toji (with the thing between his teeth): Antiiee maaa! Hey, hisss isss a firecca* (toji's head explodes)
Ashram: You had put a live firecracker in there?
Poritess: What can I say, I like having a dangerous stick that could blow anytime in me.
Ashram: ...Your so damn hot, I'll look past how fucked up that was.
Poritess: What now, my lord?
Ashram: to the school, I sense a disturbance in the force! But first, I'm going to duck behind a tree, that vodka wants to be set free again, and I think its best to let it sail.
Poritess: ...Your so damn hot, I'll look past how fucked up that was.